* what's past are forever left behind as memories somewhere in my heart...

Friday, March 11, 2005

dearest money~

i love you. i love you as a friend. i love you as a sister. i love you as part of the QUEENZ gang. i love you as who you are, in the past. i'm starting to dislike you... your lifestyle i meant. and your ways of thinking and of how you choose to look at this world. looking at you, is just like looking at the past me. now i understand how my parents and friends felt at that time. i'm soooo... affected!

how disappointing and heartaching can you imagine me to be to have seeing you to be like this now. i bet your parents felt 10times worse than i do. ooo what have you done wrong actually? i dont know if it's you who refused to acknowledge your mistakes or you're really "blind" of not being able to see their existence. *breathing hard*

can anyone imagine how much an innocently lady can change to become a bargirl-like bimbo of today? every single one of us in DBA/1A/02 thinks that you'd changed ALOT. i'd heard too much, too much from the others of "why money has became like this?" and "why money has became like that?". have you ever wonder how people look at you now? no more excuses. i hear no more. *breaking down soon*

people always ask me; "did you try to talk to money?" this and that. have i not tried enough or i failed to do so? please tell me, money, how can i then change you into a better and normal girl who will attend school as usual, get a decent job, be smarter and more awareness to the world outside there and take in advices?... i'm lost.

my dear, do you know how difficult it is to have you as a friend? got to help you keep dozen of secrets, shed tears for you and keep worrying for you. have you ever wonder how worried am i whenever you go work or didnt go home? not because of what, just that i'm afraid you cant protect yourself enough and all. "dont worry la! nothing will happen to me!" aint enough to make me feel relieve.

your parents care for you loads. they showered so much love for you. gave you such a nice home. please cherish it. and not wait till it's all too late. you'd already hurt them enough. please stop it as soon as possible, girl! (still cant accept the fact that my one month allowance is your one week's)

Yes it’s true that we got to have loads of fun when we’re young. But still, we got to spare some thoughts to the people around us. Aren’t us being selfish if we try to have loads of fun and enjoyment out there yet causing everyone surrounding us to be so worrying for us? Think about it yourself girl…

i know i'd been harsh on my words today. but i meant good. if i dont show my temper and all, would you even listen to me? even if you seemed to be listening to me attentively, nothing will change after that too. i'm distraught. maybe it's just that i'd failed as a friend. what a failure i were to have helped you in hurting your family by giving you "support" in working in this line, keeping secrets for you and all. i'm sorry. it's all my fault.........................

-YayA- screamed at papaya 20:31!