* what's past are forever left behind as memories somewhere in my heart...

Monday, March 14, 2005

what's happening to my surrounding man?! or should i just put it this way: what's happening to me? why is it that people around me dont seem to be opening up to me? am i such a lousy person that they dont even wish to tell me anything at all, thinking that i might not be a good listening or what?! and why am i wasting my time sitting here, wasting my own feelings on being angry, desvated and all... making myself more tired than ever only. maybe i should go back to the old-self; heck care everything and let nothing affects me AT ALL.

tell me, how would you feel if you were to be in my shoes? everything turns upside down now. the happiest time now to me is definitely when i'm deeply in sleep. but i aint got enough time for that. the only time i can get things out of my mind should be when working ba. nobody there gives me stress and need not think much. just focus on customer services.

maybe i SHOULD die. thought of it before many times. even planned what to do before i die. so people, dont worry! you'll definitely receive something from me after i die de. will state everything clearly and paste it in my room. feel free to explore my room after my death.

shann's in such a happiness world now. so happy for her. perhaps this is the only happening that helps to push up my moral now ba. poor qijie. it's so tough on him during these time too. got to bear all my grudges and emotional spittings. think he never expect to see this bad side of me hahas. whatever characters that you can see in anyone, you can see in me. cause my real characters are hidden and covered up, being replaced by loads of different kind of characters.

people got shocked when they see me in a depressed "mode". they all thought i'm a cheerful girl who's got no problems at all. even do have, will be solved. yes indeed i am. but there's time when i show the other mild side of mine ba. need to breath! lolx. chris told me i'm a girl who's got no worries at all. thanks for that.

someone's watching me out there. and someone's calling me out there. think it's "him". definitely so. stop staring at me! i know. you gonna take me away soon. but give me bit more time can? i wanna celebrate my 21st birthday first. after that, take me to where you want~

p.s. jas, i'm not using "dying" as an excuse like the others. cause i already know i'm not living long. soon, will be away....................

-YayA- screamed at papaya 00:00!