* what's past are forever left behind as memories somewhere in my heart...

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

the following is dedicated to manda, my dearest friend...

i cant stop thinking about what you told me earlier in school. you actually swallowed 60 over sleeping pills and whole bottle of whisky. i'm speechless. totally speechless...

hmm what else can i say but to praise you for being such a good friend. you finally listen to my piece of "advice" of "go and die" and leave me alone here. indeed a GOOD friend are you har?! why are you this silly gal? are your problems really that compressive that you have to end up choosing this path? wont you even give me or others a little bit of that chance to listen to your sorrows, embrace you with all of our loves and spending more time with you? are you really that selfish to just keep manda to yourself? are you this heartless to leave us soooo fast? trying to enter and leave our life for less than a year? can you bear with this departure not, har?!

i'm sorry, real sorry, if you'd taken my that silly piece of "advice" for real. i dont meant it and you know. i'm just hoping that you'll be the manda that i'd known earlier back again. what would have happen to me if you succeed last night? there'll be no longer another manda who'll shit with me, laugh at "mari kita" with me, take super lots of chilli and dark sauces from "mari kita" stall with me, disturb the fish meat soup stall auntie with me, eat cheese prata with me, lame with me, laugh at my lame-ness jokes cause it's not funny, drink cheng teng with me at foodcourt 4, attend NM with me and laugh at pauline, play and tickle with me yet always ends up calling each other "childish"... and the list just goes on and on... *tears dropping*

tell me, wont i feel guilty and lonely if you were gone? most probably i'll be ending up in the same place as you if you were gone. do you ever wonder how important you are to me, the queenz and everyone around you? through these months we were together, we shared countless happiness and woes together. we scolded the ones who "snatched" our seats in MLT8 last term together with all the Fs and other powerful words from Gan Eng Seng. we are always making funny yet stupid faces when taking photos, causing us to be the "outcasts" in the picture. we went shitting together when we were doing CD project at downtown east, and still remember the promises that we had made on that day? there's just toooooo many things that we'd gone through before. how can i bear to let you go just like this?

wont you have any regrets? we were supposed to go marketing option together. we were supposed to eat dim sum buffet together. we were supposed to watch the movies together which everyone except us had watched it. we were supposed to go back DCP again to shop. we were supposed... we were supposed... were supposed... supposed... *broke down totally*

manda, i dont ask for much. just dont let me drench in my own tears everyday or keep worrying for you. please go back to your oldself. i love you lots, we all love you lots. we are always there for you. all we ask for, is your oldself back. isnt it great to come school and have fun with us together? i bet you enjoyed CRS ppt today. and see! you brought sooooo much laughter to us all. we will all be depressed if you're gone forever... dont need to explain anything if you dont feel like to. but bear in mind: my ears and shoulders are always there for you, forever!

*knock some sense into manda*

p.s. please dont die so young cause i really got not enough money to give bai jin to your funeral.

-YayA- screamed at papaya 22:28!